A new me

It has been 6 days since the break up. I think and think about it all the time. Even when I was drunk. I still think of it. So sick of it. I want to get it over and start a new life. Now my life will be different. I will not repeat the same mistake again. I will not love anyone unconditionally anymore. That's stupid! The would be no such thing of unconditional love in my dictionary of life anymore.

At the moment, I'm in Sandakan, that's good. Away from KL for a moment and give me some chance to meet anyone I want here without any restrictions. I can do whatever I want now. I just hope these 3 days here will clear off my mind and wake me up.

Till then.

Future or no future?

Does anyone here DOESN'T think of their future? Does anyone here just passing the day with what they have all the time? No right? Who in the world that is so stupid to do that? Everyone thinks of their future. Everyone wants a better life out there.

From young till today, we will think of our own future. When we were schooling, we think of what we want to be in the future. When we are in college or university, we think what we will be after graduate. When we work, we think of what we want to achieve in that company. When we are courting, we think of how to makes our lifes better when we get marry. When we retired, we think of how to survive going thru the rest of the life.

See. Nobody want to spend their days not thinking what's going to happen next. For example, you have RM100 for you to spend for the rest of the week until your next pay comes out. And you saw this dress that cost you RM30 and you like it so much. Do you buy it or not? Do you want to spend that RM30 just for the sake of that? Fine, let's say you bought that dress and now you are left RM70. The you pass by a fancy restaurant that you like, do you walk in there and order the food? Yes? Fine, let's say you done that too. And the food there only cost you RM15. Now you are left with RM55. With this RM55, do you think you could go thru the week with that? I don't think so. What if you were bad luck that week and something has gone wrong with your car? A hose in your car is leaking fluid and you need to fix it. Oh well, to fix back that hose only cost you maybe RM40 that's because you know that mechanic likes you so went there and fix it. Now you left RM15. Petrol? Toll? Parking? Food for the rest of the week? Where does that come from?

I've learned alot of lesson from my this recent relationship. I begin to wonder if this girl is serious with me. If she comes and tell me that she got freaked out when I talk to her about our future, I think it's best that we have to go seperate ways. When I was with her, I think about our future, I want to buy house, car, savings...... These things doesn't come EASY! I have to plan all these in order to make it happen. If I don't plan all these things, when the time we want to get marry, where the hell we going to stay? Where the hell I going to the money to make a fancy wedding that she dream of? How the hell I want to send my kids for education? If I don't think of these, then you would have a reason to leave me and find A BETTER OFF GUY!

So what if I do think of those things? Then it means I have my own way to handle things. When I don't buy her that dress doesn't mean I love her less. Think of the other way around, I don't buy it because I think it is not necessary. Futhermore, that's just because her colleague was wearing it and you want it too. Come on la. Be original.

If you think you just want to spend your days with what you have right now, then go ahead. No one will look upon you. I will not look upon you. The boss will not look upon you. And you will never go anywhere in the company if your mindset it like that.

My Canada Trip

I was going thru my photos in my laptop and I saw the pictures I took when I was in Montreal, Canada. Just want to share with you guys here. Not much but at least something. :p

Yup.... before we could go anywhere, we have to apply for the Visa first. It was pretty easy to apply one. No interviews, no body checks. Not as tough as when you apply for US Visa where they will interrogate you till your ancestor. It took me only 45 mins to get this Visa done. Could you believe that? Ok. Next, to the airport.

Fast forward........ "brueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek" Ta dah!! Don't be so happy yet, we are only at the transit point. Frankfurt, Germany that's where we are. After 13 hours of long and pain flight, here we are. I spent 6 hours here waiting for the next plane..... More than enough time for me to roam around the airport. This airport is huge!! Better get going.

Ah....... A short stop point for me..... This is what I am dying for while I was in the plane. Time to puff my life away.

La la la la....... Hey nice view.... Let me take a picture of this.... Hmmmm..... isn't that the terminal I am supposed to be? OMG!! What am I doing at this side of terminal? I better get back that side before I miss the plane. Oh btw, the temperature outside, it's -10 degree Celcius. Doesn't look like it huh? Try standing outside.

Phew...... Got my boarding pass for the next flight.... another 1 hour more.... not much of shopping here thou..... (expensive!) and they use Euro.... I don't have to tell you, you should know how expensive the things are when they use Euro. Plane plane plane... where are you???

Fast forward again..... "bruuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeee" Finally!! Montreal, Canada! After another long and pain 8 hours flight, I am in Montreal! Yes! At last. Well, this picture was taken at night time, I was too busy adapting to the freezing cold winter there and I forgot to take picture when I was on my way to the hotel. Needless to say, the temperature out there.... it's -15 degree Celcius. And according to the taxi driver, this is too warm for winter!!!! Crazy!

Ah.... this is how my hotel room looks like. BTW, it's Hilton. Nice eh?

More snow. This is my second day there.... it was 9am when I took this picture... Could you believe that? Yup.... the whole day it's gloomy and hardly see any sunshine. No wonder these people here so crazy about summer.

Do you think Proton able to make it in this kindda weather?

Took this when I was there for the third day. Somewhere in Montreal walking about 2km to lunch. Well, it was a tough challenge for me. Walking 2km in a -14 degree Celsius. Brrrrrr.......

Well..... that's it. I'm out of photo. Hehehehe.... told ya there won't be alot. My next trip to Turkey, I will not forget to take photo again. I swear. :p

Just another day

Here I am, sitting here all alone at Starbucks Mt. Kiara and writting this blog. Such a boring person you would think. Right? Well, that's me.

Ever wonder how long can we live? Just before I arrive here, I saw an accident that happened just 5 or 10 minutes ago. There was this motorcyclist lying face down on the road and there was blood oozing out of his mouth and nose while his eyes were closed. I guess he is either unconcious or worse, dead. The vehicle that hits him is no where to be found. Yup. Hit and run. Imagine he was knocked down by that a**hole and ran away. He is dead where as the murderer is roaming freely. He is dead for nothing.

Our life is so fragile. It can be taken away within a split second. Worse still, you don't know the reason behind it. That's why we must learn to appreciate things that is infront of you now.

Can't wait to go back to work

This CNY holiday is seem so long for me. Monday is coming in four more days and I feel like ages. It's only a week holiday and I can't take it anymore. Since the broke up, I have been loitering around KL and PJ wondering what to do with my life. Looking left and right, up and down hoping to bump into some friends I know and go for a drink. Oh well, you guys have a life, not like me.

While I was sitting down at a coffee parlour today, I did alot of thinking. Thinking about my darling. Wondering how is she and what is she doing. Wanted to call her or SMS her, but the guts are just not there. Afraid she might be annoyed. Nevertherless, I did some blogging just to stop me thinking about it. I was too brought away by this blooging till I skipped my dinner and I didn't even know about it. :) Good way for diet.

ARGHHHH!!! WORK!!!! I want to go back to work!!! Work keeps my mind off. I wish right now I can work till I drop dead. Besides, I love the company that I work for. Did you know I am The Most Dedicated Staff? Well, every begining of the year, we have to awards thingy for all the staff of all the country office in the company, like those Grammy Awards. There are alot of awards, The Most Dedicated Staff Awards, The Most Dedicated Newcomer Awards, The Top Sales Person, The Top Sales Company, The Most bla bla bla.... and so on. Well, I got The Most Dedicated Staff Awards and also another award which I forget already but all I know, I get a fully paid trip by the company to TURKEY FOR A WEEK!!!! YAHHOOOO!!!! Can't wait to be there. I'm planning to go to Greece as well. Try to negotiate with the boss that I want to go Turkey for 3 days and the rest at Greece. Hehehehe...

Well, that's why I love my job, I felt appreciated. I felt that my presence in the company, I felt I'm worthy there. Considering the $$bonus$$ that they gave me this year, I was even more overwhelmed. So that's why I want to go back to work so fast.

Why don't I just cancel my leave? I can't, it's a compulsary leave. If I go back to work now, there's nothing for me to do until next week because all my appointment are all pushed to next week. If I know what is going to happen to me this week, I would have volunteer my self to work even on the CNY. Damn! I feel so pointless everyday sitting at home and wandering around hoping a policeman will catch me and lock me up. Hahahahah.... That would be a new experience for me.

Ok. Enough of babbling, time to go and lie down on my soft and comfy bed. More thinking about what I want to do tomorrow. Sighs.

A Better Off Person

Define "A Better Off Person". Anyone? I'm thinking of these four words all the time. A better off person. How to become a better off person? Everyone wants to be a better off person. I have gone thru some research and how I define to become a better off person.

First of all, be the change you want to see occur in the world around you. We can't make other people be more considerate, helpful, honest, etc., but if everyone were to work on themselves and develop these attributes, our world would be a better place.

Don't be judgmental. Look for and recognize the good in yourself and in others. We are all capable of so-called "good" and "bad" behaviors and we all have our "good" and "off" days. We are all unique and it is wonderful that we are different and not all the same - in our appearance, our thoughts, our opinions, our likes and dislikes. Being different is not threatening, it is not "bad", it is just "different". Embrace the differences and be happy for the variety. Likewise, forget the concepts of "right" and "wrong". People are not good or bad or right or wrong; they just are. If you were in "their shoes" maybe you would act differently, or maybe not. Being judgmental wastes time and cuts you off from opportunities and meaningful relationships - because you are not perfect either, and your judgment might be worse than the person's you are judging!

Respect.Don't make the mistake of thinking your rights are the only ones that count. Don't ignore the other person's rights. Our fundamental right is to be respected. Being wealthy does not make a person more deserving of respect and neither does a high-flying career with a fancy title. Respect is not about material issues or where one sits on the social ladder. Respect is acknowledging another human being's dignity and treating them how you wish to be treated yourself. We all came on to this earth equal and we're all checking out as equals. What happens in between is just a series of different life experiences. The poor man who lives in a slum, who cares for strangers, volunteers assistance without expecting anything in return and lives a clean, honest life is more deserving of respect than a wealthy businessman who dresses in fine clothes, lives in a huge mansion, and treats everyone like pond amoeba, cheats on his wife, swindles his shareholders and has forgotten how to tell the truth.

Be a Good Listener.How often do you really listen to other people? How often do you plan what you are going to say next while they are talking, or allow your mind to drift off onto something else instead of concentrating on their every word? It takes practice to be a good listener, but in being one, you are showing respect and in a position to better comprehend the real message being given to you. You avoid misunderstandings and missed instructions. Furthermore, the other person will appreciate your attention and return the courtesy.

Be interested - not interesting.This goes hand in hand with being a good listener. People love to talk about themselves and will delight in the opportunity to do so, so ensure you ask questions and take an interest in what they are telling you. Don't worry about them hogging the limelight - you can have your turn during the conversation. Have you ever met someone who only talks about themselves? Count the number of times you use "I" in your conversations. Judging, arguing points, interrupting the conversation, and using "I" a lot are sure signs you need to review your communication skills.

Respond from Your Heart.We tend to respond to others using our head, not our heart. We formulate stories about us, we defend our ego, or we judge other people or what they have said. If we respond from our heart, we can respond with understanding and a sense of connection. Find something good to say about people and to people. Build people "up" - don't knock them down. Go with your gut instincts.

Be truthful.There is a good reason for the saying "honesty is the best policy." Nothing good ever comes from lies, and there is a difference between being diplomatic and telling an outright lie. Nobody trusts a liar. If you've made a mistake, well, welcome to the human race! You don't have to lie to cover it up. You don't have to tell your truth "brutally", there are gentle and tactful ways of delivering truths and you should think carefully before you speak. But don't try to be deceitful because it has a habit of coming back to haunt you, and in those situations you are worse off than if you had just come clean in the first place, as uncomfortable as that may seem at the time.

Be helpful.When you need a helping hand, don't you just love the person who comes up and offers that to you? Wouldn't you love the opportunity to repay them? You can be that person that others look to respectfully with gratitude in their hearts, who will, one day, repay the gesture. What comes around, goes around. If you want people to be helpful to you, you must be helpful to others. It doesn't matter whether this is assisting your boss with a special project you can see he needs help with, or a co-worker who is struggling with a large workload, or an elderly neighbor struggling up the stairs with her arms full. People do remember kindness.

Maintain Your Integrity and Your Dignity.People with their integrity intact are easier to deal with in work or personal situations. They know where they stand and you know where you stand with them. You will feel better about yourself when you set your standards and stand by them and you will attract those who respect your standards and who have standards of their own. Being a doormat is disrespectful to yourself and to the person 'walking all over you'. It does not allow them to grow and learn to do something for themselves. Learn to say no gracefully. You have as much right as everyone else on the planet to have your own opinion and your own way of doing things, and reminding you of point (1) above, nobody has the right to make you feel 'bad' if you think, feel or dress differently. Remember, "to thine own self be true."

Go the Extra Mile.I mean this in a couple of ways. First, whether you are either asked to do something, or you are offering to do something, remember that if something is worth doing in the first place, then it is worth doing well. And while you are at it, what little touches can you offer to improve it? For example, who would you rather go to for your shoeshine… Mr. Amput does a wonderful buff and polish and is timely and not too expensive. Mr. Belik also does a wonderful buff and polish, he is also timely and not expensive, but he is also cheerful and interested in you and whistles while he works, so after your polish, you go on your way feeling on top of the world! Mr. Belik just went the extra mile for you. He didn't just polish your shoes, he lifted your spirits and made you feel good. If you are offering a co-worker assistance with copying some documents, go the extra mile and ask if she needs a hand stapling them or collating them. Going the extra mile need not involve a large expense of time, energy or money, but it's value to the recipient is often priceless, and one day, it will be reciprocated.

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say.Neither beat around the bush being evasive, nor make promises you can't keep. On the other hand, if you say you are going to do something, do it. Be known as a reliable person. Honor your promises and agreements wherever possible - this stems back to integrity. Prepare to be flexible if need be, but know that you don't have to bend over so far backwards that your back snaps. Being assertive and being aggressive are two entirely different things, and you do not need aggression to be assertive. In fact, you are better off without the aggression! If you are wishy-washy and allow people or circumstances to be unconcerned for your position, you will develop that reputation and find more and more people willing to walk all over you and more situations in which it occurs. Being like this does not prove you are valuable to anybody - it just means you are a 'pushover'.

So being a better off person not neccessary to be a rich guy. It's the quality in a person. Not quantity. When there are these qualities in you, don't worry, the God of Fortune will bestow on you too. That's how I see it in a the meaning of "A Better Off Person"

My Humble Car

Nothing much today that I have done. Went to the bank and got my release letter and went to JPJ to change the ownership of the car. YES! I am officially the owner of that car right now. The bank has no more say at it. After 5 years of struggling, I got the car of my own. What? Change car? Go thru those struggles again? Give me a break! It's not easy to go thru those years you know? I will change the car soon, but not now. Let me relax a while. I can't torture myself at this moment.

Now I can have some extra money to refurbish my car. Sighs.... Still need to spend. i.e suspension, the dents, the paint, the tyre, engine and the list goes on and on and on..... Sighs..... Step by step I guess.

Can you see the it? The bank's name has been "DIBATALKAN" !!!! YEAH!!!

Saddest CNY

See, I told you that there will be a lot of sad story about me. My first blog will be about me and my gf. We broke up yesterday, more like 2 days ago now. Owww.... thank you for sympathy. Well, that's not what I need here. I just don't know how to tell my side of story to anyone.

After doing some research here and there, I guess it's all my fault. It's me who screw up the relationship. At this moment, I feel so bad. I felt so lonely and cold. It's not that I found someone outside, it's my attitude. My way of talking to her. My way of treating her right. Come to think of it, maybe I did not treat her right like what other boyfriend does. I don't deserve her.

The most important thing in a relationship is communications!!!! Right! That's what I lack of. Even at work, my boss told me off about my communications with my colleagues. Without communications couples doesn't last long. Ok. I know I'm wrong but what can I do? What can I say? I'm a type of person who is quiet. I don't like to fight. I don't like to argue. What people want me to do, I just do it. I did try to change. I want to change that. I need counselling. Anyone?

Right now, I just don't know how to patch things back with her. I really miss her. I still love her a lot. I want to move on like how she is right now, but my heart seems like doesn't want to move. I want to be with her. I still remembers the happy moments that we had together. And I don't know what I am babbling about.

You made it!

First and foremost, thank you for visiting my humble journal. I guess most of you are here because I posted it and let you guys kepoh about it. Hehehe... Well, there's nothing much to kepoh about me. In fact I think most of you here already know me very well. A very quiet guy. I will not talk to strangers. That's what my mother told me before.

Well, I hope I will blog as often as I can and I hope someone will notice this blog. If not I write it for what?!?! Just want to share my feelings either good one or the sad one. Mostly sad one I guess. My life full with sadness. I'm BELIK! What's belik? Maybe I would tell, or maybe I wouldn't. Anyway, let the show begins!


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